Now for those who tune in at 5pm every Monday to read my post you probably saw that I wrote about a recent break up I was going through. After speaking with Luke I decided to remove it, as although that was what I was feeling in that moment, maybe it wasn't right to post it on social media at that time. I want to be completely honest with you all that I am actually going through one of the most stressful and confusing times to date, the last time I felt this way was in Sixth Form in my final year of A Levels. I put it down to it being my final year of University, it's important and becoming a teacher means I am entering into one of the most stressful and hard jobs there is right now. There is no right answer on how to do things right, and that's really scary.
I did spend the weekend with Luke and we seem to have resolved our issues for now. One thing I have learned is that you can't fully forget a problem, but you can move past it. I don't want to dwell on all the bad things that went wrong, I want to focus on the here and now and be with someone who genuinely does make me happy. We just need to work on a few things. I guess another thing I have learned is communication and listening. I find it so difficult to admit I am wrong, but I am aware more than ever now that I have a few things to work on. I just need to remember to find a balance between Luke, University, Friends, Family and Placement, because right now these are my main focus.
Blogging is also something I love and if I'm being honest (again) it really is a way for me to get my feelings down and out there for all to see. I want you to see me for me, with a few edits in places of course. I now understand that I just need to be careful what I write. I didn't think how the previous post would affect Luke and for that I am sorry.
Another big change in my life is losing someone who I thought was a close friend. I guess we ended up taking different paths and moving on to other things in our lives and we weren't the right fit for each other anymore. A few events that happened over the weekend left me feeling betrayed, but I truly did want to work out the issues we had. I guess you can't force someone to want to see you as a friend and that was a hard thing for me to realise. I can't call someone a true friend if they're willing to hurt me and not think of me as a friend. *cue BMTH- True Friends*
I just want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who reads my rambles. Half the time I write a post I sit in silence staring at the screen letting my fingers type away every thought in my mind. Sometimes it can be great writing and other times less than perfect. However, I enjoy writing and posting for you all. I feel like this is my safe place to just tell you all how I'm feeling in the hope that someone, maybe one of you understands me? They say everything gets better and you understand life more when you're an adult. Although, I feel as lost as ever and my mind is definitely confused. Nevertheless, I'm not going to be beaten and I am going to get on with my assignments and prepare for placement, which starts next Monday (16th). Now that is a scary thought!
Once again thank you for reading. I welcome you to comment below if you are going through similar things to me or you just want a chat with me! My email is available here too. I hope you are all well and you're ready for this new week. I want the days to drag because I really need to get stuck into these assignments if I have any hope of doing well.
"The rest is still unwritten"